dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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