He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
