It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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