I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
