i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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