even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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