check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
