my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize