I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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