her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
