My room smells like vodka and shame
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
