So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
