im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
