everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
