okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
