just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
