Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
