garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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