I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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