her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
