Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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