dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
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