He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
