Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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