I've blown a few things in my day
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
