Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
