My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
