girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
