Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
