The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I deserve this hangover.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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