She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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