She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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