i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
