I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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