I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
