Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
