Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
