Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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