Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
