chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
