i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
