So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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