Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
