i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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