Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
