what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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