You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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