Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm passing your future prison.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
