I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
