you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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