Your tits are I can't wait for
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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