I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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