Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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