i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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