Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
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So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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