I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
