I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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