im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
