Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
