Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
