Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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