Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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