I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
