I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
