from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
