something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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