i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize