someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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