Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
