1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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