12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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