I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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