I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
