I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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