i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
