I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
