I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
