every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
