the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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