I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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