we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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