ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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