I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Less talking, more tequila
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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