I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
