Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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